Friday, July 09, 2004

Another boring blog ...

Hello everyone!! I am back again, after a long break.

Anyway, my life was very interesting yesterday. I went to work at Shenton way, Afro Asia building, 8 am. I wore a blue top. I made 3 cups of coffee. I did my work till 7 pm. I reached home at 8pm. My mum cooked dinner and I watched porn till now.

The ultimate unlucky thing that happened to me yesterday was that when I was crossing the road, a Platypus waddled up to me, and stood beside me.

I glared at it.

It ignored me. In fact, it was just standing there, looking at the green light patiently in a dignified manner.

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY I ALWAYS MEET STUPID ANIMALS WHEN I AM CROSSING THE ROAD?! First it was a chicken, and then it was a donkey, and now, a PLATYPUS??!

I continued glaring at it.

I mean, it is RUDE of the platypus to stand there, like it is an equal to men! I don't care what stupid female environmentalists are saying about this, but I don't want to share my human road with a smelly platypus!

Come to think of it, I think this platypus is not local. Maybe it is a REFUGEE!!!! Anyway, it must be, must be, an illegal immigrant! Wait till I catch it, then I shall sell it to the zoo WAHHAHAHA maybe police because it is a refugee platypus!!

How do I start how do I start... If I just jump clean on top of it to try to pin it down, it must get offended and peck me with its beak. The beak looks flat and vicious.

I better do small talk.

Things like small talk, Xiaxue is better lah. I am an engineer what... I don't have friends to talk to, coz when I talk, I only talk about engineering stuff, and no one's interested. Weird, I have been working the whole day and i want to complain what, why can't anyone be nice!

OH DEAR, THE LIGHTS ARE AMBER!!!

Better put on a placid smile first.

"Hi Mr Platypus," I said in my best jaunty voice. Sounds a little like an elephant farting.

"Yo mate!" the ugly Platypus replied, nonetheless.

Definitely Australian, I told myself. Quick, think of something Australian to say!


"Say, is that Billabong you are wearing then, mate?"

"WTF?"

"Eh, I mean, did you watch Miss Universe, Australia won yeah? Pretty."

"Yeah the Oz won. Mind you, that Kangaroo was so cocky when he saw me. Cocky Kangaroo! Kangarooy cock! Ha ha ha ha ha."

He begin to laugh deeply at his own joke.

"Eh, so you not Australian?" I asked.

"Insulted mate! I'm from the great Britian! I am from the land of the wrinkly Queen! And I am proud to be a British platypus! Mind you, we have Harry Potter, and Enid Blyton and Beckham! What more does a nation want?"

"Well, we have char siew and chicken rice ... "

"I don't understand what you are talking about, mate, are you mocking me? I may be a platypus, a British one mind you, but I am not stupid! Say, do you want to cross the road with me?"

"Eh no."

The platypus looked scandalised. "WHY?" he screamed in a high pitched voice, not unlike a platypus would.

"Eh ... " How can I tell him gently that I don't wanna cross the road with a filthy platypus like him, and I also want to catch him to sell him to the zoo?

"Eh eh eh you great prude, speak up!", he said, breaking my thread of thought.

"Don't imitate me!"

"Well you did speak that way, mate! Say, while you take such a long time to decide what to make up your speech off, could you help me take a photo? Of me standing right here leaning on this lovely fire extinguisher here? There there, lovely."

He handed me a wet camera. WTF?? Why is his camera wet? Is he supposed to come out of the water anyway??



Stupid platypus.

It's time to act.

"Would you like to play catching with me? I'll run after you with a giant net and see if I can catch u, how's that?"

"Sure thing mate! Sounds fun!"

I pulled out a giant butterfly net out of no where and caught the stupid platypus in a jiffy.

"HA YOU STUPID PLATYPUS!" I announced in triumph. "THATS FOR BEING A REFUGEE IN SINGAPORE! I SHALL SELL YOU TO THE ZOO!"

"You kid me not, human," the refugee platypus actually shrieked in laughter.

"WHATS SO FUNNY!"

"Well first of all, I am not a refugee, I am an expatriate. And secondly, I've been in Singapore for years! YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT LIE ABOUT SELLING ME TO THE ZOO? You tink I'm a kid? 'Ah girl, you don't finish your porridge mommy sell you to the zoo then you know yadda yadda" nonsense is too commonly used as a threat! I am not scared!" said the expatriate platypus in a horrible smirking manner.

"Eh, you are not a refugee?" I asked tentatively.

"That's right! Now get me out of this net please."

"NO! I still can sell you to the zoo and earn some money! And a talking expat platypus! Wait till the SPGs hear about this, they will swarm to the zoo in flocks! HWAHAHAHAH I AM A GENIUS!"

The platypus stared at me, and promptly chewed his way through the net to freedom.

I looked on in horror, then it hit me:

"HEY I just realised you were pretending when you said you don't understand what is char siew or chicken rice! LIAR! BLUFF ME!"

"Well," the (sexy) expat platypus said, "I don't like that stuff. Anyway, you have offended my rights as a platypus, as horrid as my name sounds with platy and pus inside, but that's not the point. The point is, I am gonna peck you to death if you cannot answer this question of mine:

Besides the platypus, what is the other mammal that lays eggs?



Can someone help me? I'm blogging while still waiting for an answer! And you are not allowed to google coz it is written in our science textbooks!

94 Comments:

At 2:52 AM, Blogger EteRnaLD said...

Well eddie, its pretty simple cos that Xiaxue yaks yaks about it ALL the time.

You know about the bleeding part? Their menses?
I reckon, since the menses contains an egg. Although 0.1mm in size with no shell and egg white. And the females who bleed them out cos their too lazy to lay them are mammals.

There you go. Mammals that lay eggs.

Hiak hiak!

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger mr.udders said...

it's the echidna!

 
At 10:43 AM, Blogger when will i find my techno princess... said...

echidna, known to some as the spiny anteater. Two species actually, Tachyglossus aculeatus the short-beaked echidna of Tasmania, Australia & New Guinea, and Zaglossus bruijni the long-beaked echidna of New Guinea.

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger Gum said...

Yeah... And dun worry, your textbook will only show echidna too. Because, that's the only other mammal that lay eggs.

 
At 6:47 PM, Blogger baldmonkey said...

Dammit... I knew it was the spiney anteater.... just forgotten what it was called.

 
At 1:09 AM, Blogger Izzy said...

I swear, someone must be sticking LSD into your coffeebeans.

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger Defector said...

Short-beaked Echidna

guess thats a big coffee bean to have LSD stuck into it..

 
At 7:45 PM, Blogger ~Vanessa~ said...

This was copied out from my Science textbook, dunno whether it can be trusted or not, but its the Spiny Anteater.

 
At 4:54 PM, Blogger Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

So, uhm, anteaters hate Xiaxue?

 
At 7:55 PM, Blogger reticent_aura said...

lol` ur entry sure has is hilarious! i luv it =)

 
At 5:26 PM, Blogger Capricorn said...

ermm you really are full of it. not that i like err whats her name...she has the right to write whatever shit she wants and so do you...so just leave her alone. make a truce goddammit! i bet secretly you kinda like her :p toodles if you want to say something bak email is darkroseqc@yahoo.com cuz i dont got a blog up yet for u to comment...

 
At 5:03 AM, Blogger esh said...

god! i laughed so hard that i nearly wet my pants!

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger suspiciousbastard said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 10:01 AM, Blogger suspiciousbastard said...

No updates? Oh, and your writing style seems familiar. Are you a part time columnist for Maxim, by the way?

 
At 9:00 PM, Blogger Shayde said...

Oh just fucking grow up! We ALL know that Xiaxue is the one operating this site. Who else writes like this? Have you all nothing better to do than read these entries that question your intelligence?

 
At 6:12 AM, Blogger LeonaCelestine said...

haha .. how come this gurl so.. zi lian ar?.. lolz.. so bo liao until setting up her own hate site?.. goodness.. just happen to pop by.. and juz readin 1st line of both the blogs.. i realised the resemblence.. lolz.. a one of a kind strange being .. lolz.. cant believe she have so must time to manage both blogs and create all these rubbish .. but she's sorta creatin Entertainment for us viewers eh?.. hahaz..

 
At 5:38 PM, Blogger jin_hui said...

anteater

 
At 5:38 PM, Blogger jin_hui said...

Anteater ......

 
At 2:20 AM, Blogger carinez_1 said...

i hate this bitch. xiaxue is really one hell of a fucking bitch. she thinks she's some big shot. and she thinks the whole world is reading her blog. (oh well i cant deny im reading her blog too, but its just cos of her 'so-called' fame tat i'd decided to look ard). BIG disappointment cos i can name many many more bloggers who can blog so much better than her. and one thing, her english sucks. i dun deny mine is no better.

 
At 12:59 AM, Blogger winnie said...

reticent aura! are u my fren?? *hmmph*

 
At 1:00 AM, Blogger winnie said...

carinez, come on lah, i tink u're juz jealous. xiaxue is daring and brave enuff to say wat she tinks. do u have the guts? *smirks*

 
At 6:12 AM, Blogger Ridhwan said...

Please visit www.bloggytainment.blogspot.com!!!

 
At 10:04 AM, Blogger Lene said...

penguin

 
At 10:10 AM, Blogger Lene said...

penguin

 
At 9:25 AM, Blogger `€НύήМєί-ξlle; said...

LAMERS! nth better to do.. seriously.. get a life? I mean if u dun like someone jus fuck off! turn the damn com off?! u think ppl like u also meh... LOL wake up the idea...?!??!!!-.-"

 
At 10:32 PM, Blogger tessa said...

it's the black molly fish!!! wait, is that even a mammal? hahaha

 
At 3:58 PM, Blogger Joey said...

xiaxue rocks. she does. not many write their mind as it is anymore

 
At 8:34 PM, Blogger shuaaang said...

whee! u guys are damn smart! *diao* haha. its the anteater!!! remembered it from my pri sch lessons.. haha. btw. this blog is lol. but damn weird compared to xiaxue's original one.

 
At 3:14 AM, Blogger dw said...

i say O..o
Why would mammals want to lay eggs when they can lay something of the opposite sex?

 
At 10:05 PM, Blogger KkrriisS said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:57 AM, Blogger KkrriisS said...

rubbishh !!

 
At 9:19 AM, Blogger Sweetsugar said...

well, this blog certainly is pretty boring but i have to say i hate xiaxue too. i read her 'miss singaporean post' and i was lke please lor. that post actually makes me suspect whether she uses photoshop to change her realli ugly photos into pretty ones. *sigh* she juz gave her secret away. and still putting that under the classics where she thinks it makes her popular. anyway, daphne is a thousand times prettier that xiaxue. daphne doesn't have to put on makeup and use phtoshop to make her photos nice( unlike some big pretenders.....).*sheesh* xiaxue puts so much makeup she looks like a fake. and even sluttish. she thinks she is so pretty......she uses makeup to hide her ugly face. maybe her face will look like shit if she takes away all the makeup.

 
At 9:23 AM, Blogger Sweetsugar said...

i'm soooo sorry. i just realised i was repeating myself. anyway this is a great site. i can bitch all i want about xiaxue! and everyone is bitching too.

 
At 2:06 AM, Blogger Aoki said...

Spiny anteater..Learnt it when I was in P4..Lol,I'm just a sec 2.

 
At 10:39 PM, Blogger xialanxue said...

stop pretending

 
At 8:16 PM, Blogger gary said...

We have stupid animals too - geese. I think I'm in the wrong area of the world to see a platypus cross the road.

 
At 5:38 AM, Blogger lilpixie said...

seriously, i have never met anyone who is so full of herself.. thinking that the world owes everything just cos she has the best blog in the whole of singapore. xiaxue is a delusional and demented person i've ever encountered. i tot sister furong is weird ass but this punk ass bitch is --- no words can describe her. i'm tooo overwhelmed that she think her english is the best. please. get thru college first then just maybe u are can prove urself to be worthy of the english language. even simple words also cannot spell properly. if u just take singlish out of ur brain just maybe u can discover the english language somewhere in ur empty skull of urs. the things u write, good hair day and condemning ppl who are less fortunate of their looks. too MUCH makeup makes u a skank. good hair day doesnt make you smart either. making ppl feels less of themselves is not nice ...but it makes u feel superior doesnt it? sure u dare to write all these things but in the real world, i doubt it. sorry to be blunt on u but u really suck. u blog on how being fat doesnt bother u... but then why all the makeup if it didnt bother u of how u look? if u are naturally ugly ... no amount( i say it again..NO AMOUNT) of make up will save u from it. no one wants to know abt how ur hair looks like or ur expensive dinner that U obviously CANNOT afford. grow some pubes then maybe ppl will take u more seriously. and stop photoshop-ing every little pic u have. it's pathehic. u're pathetic. a pathetic little soul screaming for attention that u dont even deserve. for crying out loud get a fucking dictionary and learn how to fucking spell.

 
At 3:13 AM, Blogger - viez - said...

no offence eternald...what the hell!? menses do not contain egg! what the?! you must be sleeping in class man! you would not be here if menses contains egg!

 
At 7:28 AM, Blogger s i n g l e r 0 x ♀ said...

hey just fucking well shut up man hu euu think euu r .. dun even dare tu post ur own photo n dare tu sae ppl ugly i think euu r th one hu ish UGLY hey just mind ur own business k.. Fucking hell

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger singapore-sucks said...

HTTP://SINGAPORE-SUCKS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Enjoy the site and the literature.

 
At 12:35 AM, Blogger -xiiao miin` said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:16 AM, Blogger WaDeVa` said...

Honestly you're totally a loser. I tell you two things i can see from this retarded blog.

1.) You're trying so hard to attraction attention so that people think your blog's cool.

2.)You've managed to grab attention and made all of them losers like you.

I don't think she's the one crying or she'd cry at all lke ya said. Yeap i know it's sarcasm, but em... seriously you're just making a fool outta yourself.

I guess that enough said?

Oh Yar about the platypus thing. Or whatever it is, it's one hell of a joke all gone wrong.

You serious need a life... so go get one

 
At 9:04 PM, Blogger jon said...

buy online textbook are so expensive. I agree, We have been looking for buy online textbook all night for a new buy online textbook class but havent been able to track down used buy online textbook that I can afford. Anyway, I enjoyed looking at you buy online textbook blog...

jon

 
At 4:56 PM, Blogger clandis said...

Not much to say besides the fact that coming to Register Better would be a good decision in regards to my blog !

 
At 1:35 AM, Blogger Amitabho said...

The Monotremata Famly Lays Eggs.
(Im Only Eight Years Old!)

 
At 4:58 AM, Blogger Girl In PuRpLe skieS... said...

dun quite understand after readin ur blog..y u hate xiaxue?...

 
At 9:34 AM, Blogger josephine said...

tis is so bo liao..no link to why dilly death got to do with xiaxue
where is the farking link

 
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At 12:16 AM, Blogger  said...

it's the fluffy anteater!!!!

 
At 5:36 PM, Blogger - nana chan - said...

i really tink tis xiaxue is too zi lian le. i mean u can hav a blog to earn fame, take pics as if u r a celebrity but dun create sooo many blogs to attract attention la n hav sum FAQ sum more, operating sum company here? ya hor, she got no joB only blog here whole life away. sit ther type type type n hav a big belly. haha. her ways of makin herself famous only make her look so stupidly ignorance. n she ain't d best blogger i seen. not as interesting as others.

 
At 7:51 AM, Blogger Julianne said...

Pls la people, she already stated in her blog, that this blog is set up by her what is your problem? The problem is you guys dont read. stupid.

and if you are here to judge abt xiaxue, xiaxue's right with her: if you dont like it, dont fucking read it lah. cheebye. everyone is entitled to their own opinions. why dont you take your stupid opinions along with yourself and run up to the top of the building and then jump down and die?

then we will all celebrate your death. maybe even public holiday man. just fuck off man nadia? such a fucked up name somemore.

and if u dun read somemore, she is a full time blogger ok? she like ok. why? jealous ah? she get to blog whole day when you dont? fuck off and die man. such imbeciles.

oh yeah i better dont stop that 'i dont read' thing, cos i dont want detractors like you to read. if you want to read, read imbecile in the dictionary, you might find your picture there.

stupid assholes. get a life yourself. she has perfect life without you of course.

like BIG CAPITAL L? LOSER. YES YOU, ALL THE DETRACTORS.

 
At 8:18 PM, Blogger R2K said...

Wasup from NYC! :)

R2K

 
At 1:46 AM, Blogger Izzati Izz luvtwosixeightsix said...

everyone wants attention, it's human nature. plus, I like xiaxue and I read her blog everyday. she's inspiring.

maybe she set up this site in dedication to all you people who hate her. as a kind of "gift" for you all to vent out your frustrations at her. a "gift". appreciate it => *snorts*

 
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At 3:49 AM, Blogger Eisabess Chee said...

SPINY ANTEATER!!! Well, at least that was what I learnt in P3. Check out my blog anyway. Click here .
Anyway, yak yak yak about Xiaxue. So sorry about Dilly. Haha.
Well, at least you got a stapler though. But I was wishing for something better like his money.
Oh, greedy.

 
At 6:55 PM, Blogger lLenA_lLinNa said...

what the fuck is wrong with YOU?! wendy is just she herself and didnt directly insult anyone. stop acting like a bastard man. you're not making yourself look good.

 
At 8:33 AM, Blogger -iRis- said...

spiny aneater!Pri 3 learn liao. U how old...must be a lousy student. Never listen to teacher.

 
At 9:37 AM, Blogger jondegreat said...

erk..menses do contain egg..ahem..ovum??jz tat itz nt fertile..m i rite?lolz..n bout xiaxue,i dun think itz up to us to judge her..she hav her own uniqueness n so do u..

 
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At 9:10 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Why aren't you updating your blog? I think your blog entries are hilarious and good ligth reading. Waiting for more to come.

 
At 9:12 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Why aren't you updating your blog? I think your blog entries are hilarious and good ligth reading. Waiting for more to come.

 
At 2:16 AM, Blogger JaQy said...

i know im not a real blogger and i suck ... but gosh ... you suck too ... XiaXue RuleS !

 
At 9:26 PM, Blogger Charles said...

why is everyone so pissed off about the whole thing... and some even thinks that xiaxue is full of herself. Why not? What's wrong with it? She is, after all, very bonk-able.

 
At 3:01 AM, Blogger becca159 said...

i totally hate her...she thinks she's the best and thinks her blog is so good and she keeps talking about her rank in the world or whatever?its like so boring she's been talking about it so many times....and calls those tha t supports dawn yang F**KING PEOPLE. wth.im not supporting dawn but she is such b.

 
At 11:12 AM, Blogger S_732 said...

Hey you need to watchout for those platapus(s or ie...?)they have poison claws. So its likely to claw you to death...

I relate to your dislike for Australian's and Australian'isms

Anyway I hope that all these animal capers of yours end up in a nice home...

Tschüs,


seb

 
At 5:10 PM, Blogger ugh.holla. said...

its the spiny anteater. lol.

 
At 11:11 PM, Blogger jing wen said...

i hate you soooooooooooo much cos i like xiaxue sooooooooooooo much. Girls out loud roxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!!!

 
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At 10:23 AM, Blogger Language weirdness, technically speaking said...

This was clearly posted by a Chinese, though I know Australia-the only place in the world that has platypae-has a high~ish population of Chinese.

In any case, this post was hilarious, and completely made my day. Small talk's definitely the way to go, but steer clear of politics. Male platypae have a huge needle or claw on the inside of their hind legs-that is, the side facing the front legs-that injects a poison that's so powerful, it can paralyze and kill a full grown male human in three hours.

 
At 6:38 AM, Blogger lee said...

spiny anteater....

 
At 9:25 AM, Blogger misachi. said...

I find it incredibly amusing how some people that dislikes xiaxue have very impopular blogs [which you can check yourself by typing thier urls found in thier use in Technorati.com] and can't type well themselves. They complain on her use of photoshop and how she can't spell. I find it even funnier that one of them that complain spell though as tho. Another one complained but said she was also the same.

So people, before you complain, how about thinking about how YOU can improve instead? i think xiaxue has proven that she is popular dispite haters like you guys. But how have you successed over her?? Think about it man. And quit being so childish! Some of you are 20+.

Have a good day.
misachi.

 
At 1:32 AM, Blogger hate-PSLE-girl said...

LOL lor, bother to set up a hate site. any idea how boring your blog is?

 
At 11:04 PM, Blogger Antabax said...

hohoho, xiaxue is nice what. besides the bragging stuffs, her posts is a good read.

 
At 8:03 PM, Blogger Claudia said...

xiaxue DOEs suck .XD
shes ugly and she went for plastic surgery.
LIKE DUH.

 
At 8:03 AM, Blogger Abby said...

its amusing how xiaxue links u up, showing what a higher person she is. loser.

 
At 7:06 PM, Blogger Janice said...

it was a total pain to read an entry from your blog.

 
At 7:58 PM, Blogger [*- The.Chill.Pill -*] said...

You're the lamest person ever. and a sex maniac too.

 
At 3:27 AM, Blogger maltese98 said...

u all are total FUCKERS!say ppl say urself!u all belong to the cruel world!wait till i hack u!

 
At 6:36 AM, Blogger %TaNiA% said...

It's a spiny anteater!!! Hehe, learnt this when i was in P4 i guess. Now already in Sec Sch...

 
At 5:29 AM, Blogger miSs unConciouSs said...

where got platypus talk one? crap luh. if all animals can talk just-like-that, people who train animals to do amazing stuff wont be earning so much liao lor.plus theres nothing wrong with Xiaxue AT ALL. she speaks her mind so what the hell does it have to do with you?

 
At 12:48 AM, Blogger i never told you said...

its the spiny anteater! i learnt i p3 now i p6 hahaha omg the platypus thing rocks lol

 
At 11:52 PM, Blogger doggieLove said...

i guess no updates forever

teapls.blogspot.com

 
At 12:06 AM, Blogger BLOGHEAD said...

omg. at least xiaxue is more interesting than this.

 
At 12:27 AM, Blogger Clémence said...

T'es ridicule!
Et le blog de Xiaxue est beaucoup mieux que le tien!

 
At 9:13 PM, Blogger Shu Fen said...

lol, so much flaming :/ She is fine, if you don't like her just don't read it ^^

 
At 1:51 AM, Blogger knittinggirl1 said...

xia xue always say we must dare to speak
but she delete my video about steven lim in her facebook fan page
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5R8aAIonNPM

 
At 7:32 AM, Blogger jully said...

why is everyone so pissed off about the whole thing... and some even thinks that xiaxue is full of herself. Why not? What's wrong with it? She is, after all, very bonk-able.Phone Sex

 

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