Sunday, February 01, 2004

Hi... Been a very long time since I last posted here...

Actually, throughout this whole time I was having my reservist. Of course no one can have their reservist for such a freaking long time. Half a year.

But I was most unfortunate.

When I was having my reservist done, I was doing my guard duties in Bukit Timah Hill. There were monkeys there.

I was chewing on a macadamia nut when a monkey approached me and asked me politely if he could have some.

I threw the nut on his head. It bounced off. The monkey is very stupid. He tried to run to fetch it. The moment he bent down to pick up the nut, I prodded his ass with a pussy willow stem.

I laughed. It is so funny. I planned to draw that frame on all my angpows to give to people coz its the year of the monkey and pussy willows are for CNY too.

He shrieked very loudly, jumped, and in 3 swift motions ate up the macadamia, snatched the pussy willow, and stuffed it up my nostril.

Soon we were having nasal sex and I was begging him to stop. It was coz its not good. Its coz it has the monkey's ass smell and thats really horrible.

My officer came along at this moment, supposedly to check on me. He got very freaked out because the monkey tried to stuff the pussy willow into his ear for some aural sex. He didn't know the evil monkey's motive of course, being the stupid common man he is. Oh no! He thinks he knows, but he has no idea... Monkeys are evil!

So anyway, he just whacked the monkey on the head with a MACE (I finally found out what a lang ya bang is called in English. Btw if you don't know what a mace is, it is the spiked club that cavemen use. No EK, its not called a spiked club. No Shengrong, its not called a spikey club thing) that he got out from nowhere in particular.

The monkey spinned around dizzily, and I saw the most amazing thing. There were actual yellow stars revolving around the monkey's head. How queer, I thought that only occurs in cartoons.

The monkey scrambled away, not before shaking his fist at me. I am very scared he would come back to rape my ass when I am bending down to pick up a bar of soap.

The officer asked me to explain myself.

I told him that monkey started it.

He didn't believe it and said I must have not been willing to share my nuts with people. "If your nuts are big," he said, "you should be generous with them! Let people lick them and chew them. Good nuts are hard to cum, I mean, come by!"

I gave him a "I am not gay" look.

He gave me a "You are going straight to detention barracks because you are not gay" look.

He is such a meanie!

So in I went. I stayed for 1 month with the accused charge of spreading herpes to monkeys. When I was inside, I was raped 5 times so I was charged with another 5 months, although I do not have herpes. I am not Australian.

Luckily for me, someone download the Paris Hilton sex video on the sixth's month so they forgot to rape me and I am finally out. Its so saddening how time has just passed me by! I have not even set up my friendster account! Now I'll be so late!!

Alright, back to hating Xiaxue.

Recently it seems like the Jeremy (wtf happened to Eddy? And who is Bernard??!) girlfriend thingy has been making Xiaxue very angry.

GUESS WHAT I'VE FOUND!!!

I found a picture of the girl!!



She is very very pretty isn't she?? This must be her original photo!! Look what horrid Xiaxue has done...

Ah... Very good artwork isn't it? Xiaxue ought to be ashamed of herself.

I like the girl.. Sweet and gentle. Not like rude and uncouth Xiaxue. Keep talking about things like anal sex.

Ah well. Email xiaxue_blog@yahoo.co.uk to tell her what u think of the artwork yeah?

Good night dears. I have not bathed for six months. I still don't dare to. You don't know how lucky you are to be able to bend down and pick up a bar of soap when you are butt-naked without any worries of horrid monkeys.

I wish you all best of luck in the year of the pussy-willowed monkey!!

Wahahaha am I funny or what...

(Pardon me for being shizophrenic here, but DAMN my photoshop skills are FUCKING GOOD. Isn't it?)

p/s (updated): Xiaxue says: If you can't view the friendster profile I can't post her photo coz Jeremy will say I am a bitch again. Patience. A few days later maybe the traffic will slow down.